


Don't Judge A Jerk By His Cover

by teatimetaemint



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Pen Pals, Romance, Some Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-28
Updated: 2015-01-28
Packaged: 2018-03-09 11:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,029
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3248786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/teatimetaemint/pseuds/teatimetaemint
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Luhan was a jerk - a frustratingly attractive jerk - and apparently the entirely non-jerky person Sehun had been exchanging anonymous notes with for the past 3 months.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Don't Judge A Jerk By His Cover

Sehun thought he might actually be the only student on campus looking forward to the 1pm dramatic lit classes held every Monday and Thursday. At a time when almost everyone else was getting their lunch or taking a – sometimes – well deserved break, he was stepping into the still relatively empty lecture room and making his way to his usual seat, his best friend Kyungsoo firmly in tow. That familiar sense of anticipation lit up his chest as he moved down the row of tables and as soon as he dropped onto his seat, he swept the underside of his desk until his fingers found the note taped to the wooden panel. Sehun had known it would be there, waiting for him, just like there had been one waiting for him every Monday and Thursday for the last several months. Pointedly ignoring the exaggerated sigh from Kyungsoo next to him, he unfolded the small piece of paper and immediately started reading.  
  
_You were right, the movie sucked. I can’t believe I wasted almost 10 bucks on it. And wth was up with that USB thing at the end?! That was ridiculous!  
I need to watch a good movie to flush that sickening amount of lame out of my system now. Any suggestions?_  
  
The writing was even messier than usual, clearly showing the other’s annoyance, as if he had used a bit more force while scrawling down the words for Sehun, and for some reason it had the blond man grinning down at the slightly crumpled letter in his hands. It wasn’t as if he knew what his ‘pen pal’ actually looked like – that was what Sehun called the person he was having these written conversations with, completely uncaring of how childish it might sound. But that didn’t keep him from imagining eyebrows pulled together and lips pursed in annoyance, shoulders hunched over and short-nailed fingers tapping the surface of the table in front of him in irritation.  
  
“Are you still exchanging notes with that guy?”  
  
Kyungsoo’s deep, clearly disapproving voice cut through the near silence and Sehun looked up with a start, having momentarily forgotten his best friend was still there next to him. It took him a few moments to make sense of the smaller man’s question, but when he did, he couldn’t help but let a frown of his own wrinkle his forehead.  
  
“Of course, I am. Why are you so bothered by that?”  
  
His dark-haired friend gave him a look that clearly conveyed exactly how much he questioned his intelligence at the moment.  
  
“Don’t you think it’s weird? The guy’s a complete stranger, I mean he could be some crazy weirdo and you wouldn’t even know.”  
  
“People have conversations with people they don’t know all the time on the internet. At least I know that he’s smart enough to make it to our college. And he’s not some crazy weirdo. I’ve been exchanging notes with him for the past three months, don’t you think I would have noticed by now?”  
  
Kyungsoo didn’t look the least bit convinced, somehow managing to let the frown settle more deeply on his already highly displeased face - making Sehun feel defensive with very little effort.  
  
“It wouldn’t be half as bad if you at least tried to find out who he is. I can’t believe you’re so against it. Especially since it’d be so easy. You’d just have to ask around who’s sitting in this seat during Mr. Yoo’s 10am lectures.”  
  
“I know. Don’t you think I haven’t thought of that before?” His best friend’s underestimation of his intelligence was reaching seriously insulting levels. “But that would ruin half the fun. The fact that I don’t know who he is, is probably one of the reasons why we can talk so comfortably. I have no intention of ruining that.”  
  
Kyungsoo looked like he wanted to say more, frown lines between his brows as pronounced as ever, but before he could give Sehun one of his other 65 reasons why this was a bad idea, their professor entered the room and most of the chatter died down. Sehun, quite grateful for the short reprieve, pointedly turned towards the note in his hand and read over it a second time, before he ripped about a quarter page out of his notepad and started writing a quick reply.  
  
_Told you so. (As you can see I’m not above rubbing it in a bit.)  
Try ’12 Angry Men’. That movie is great - don’t be fooled by the black and white.  
(And don’t roll your eyes at me.)_  
  
Unfortunately, Kyungsoo wasn’t that easily detained. The second Mr. Yoo turned his attention towards his laptop, his best friend was leaning into Sehun’s personal space and started talking at a volume that made it necessary for the younger man to shift even closer to make out the words.  
  
“I’m not trying to be a spoilsport, but … it’s obvious you have a bit of a crush on him and it worries me.”  
  
The statement had Sehun drawing back with a start, eyes going wide in his usually so expressionless face. _A crush?_ His black-haired friend was clearly out of his mind if he thought Sehun had a crush on his pen pal and he made sure to tell him just that as he hissed back an almost affronted reply.  
  
“That’s ridiculous. I don’t have a crush on him. We’re friends. Just friends!”  
  
“Your face says otherwise.” Sehun really didn’t like the conviction in Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Every time you read his messages your face does that thing. You get all glowy and smiley and as your best friend I can tell you that’s not what your face looks like most of the time.”  
  
Ignoring the familiar jab at his infamous deadpan face, as well as the slight prickle of unease in the back of his mind, Sehun pulled down the corners of his mouth and hoped his expression was enough to show Kyungsoo how much he disagreed with that hare-brained theory. But just to make sure, Sehun mumbled another denial, before training his eyes on the presentation projected to the wall up front.  
  
“You’re wrong. We’re just friends.”  
  
  
  
Two hours into his afternoon shift at the library and Sehun felt ready to jump out of his skin. He didn’t know what it was that had him feeling so restless. He usually loved the quiet, the feeling of being surrounded by books and the almost cozy atmosphere of his work place, but this time _something_ just didn’t sit right with him. It was driving him crazy that he couldn’t put his finger on it.  
  
He knew a part of it had been his conversation with Kyungsoo. Now that his friend had put that ridiculous notion of him having a crush on his pen pal in his head, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. He didn‘t have a crush on the guy. Sure, Sehun liked him a lot. He was an open and funny, often sarcastic guy, with interesting opinions and a way of talking – writing – that just never failed to lift Sehun’s mood, but that didn’t mean he was crushing on him – _much_.  
  
It was that last stray thought that had him freezing in the act of lifting one of the returned books to its designated place on one of the upper shelves, arm raised and nape prickling with an alarming sense of realization.  
  
_Oh, damn._  
  
For a second, Sehun considered the very tempting option of freaking out, heart giving a single panicked thump in the vicinity of his throat, before he heeled his wayward thoughts and took several deep calming breaths. It was not the time and certainly not the place to attempt making sense of his feelings for another person. He had work to do and an essay on Kafka’s use of the dorbeetle in ‘Metamorphosis’ to outline in his head. He was _not_ going to do something ridiculous like soul searching in the middle of his shift. There was more than enough time for that later on.  
  
Shoving the matter from his mind to the best of his ability, Sehun returned his attention to his current task and lifted the still suspended book onto the shelf, shaking out his aching arm with a little more force than necessary. Thankfully Sehun had always been good at compartmentalization, concentrating completely on the matter at hand and ignoring everything else, so he finished his assignment with a bare minimum of unwelcome thoughts and threatening fits of panic.  
  
Sehun was returning with the cart from re-shelving the last batch of returned books when he noticed the man standing at the counter, body language screaming impatience and annoyance. He quickly looked around for Jongdae, after all his colleague and friend was supposed to man the check-out for the next hour. But the older man was nowhere to be found. Sehun really hoped for his sake that he was helping someone find a book and wasn’t just goofing off somewhere again. Jongdae still owed him for leaving him to fend for himself for almost an hour last week, while the other man had stalked ‘his sleeping beauty’ as Jongdae liked to call his crush-that-wasn’t-allowed-to-be-called-a-c

rush-because-he-wasn’t-some-kind-of-infatuated-school-girl.  
  
Cursing his elusive co-worker, Sehun left the cart next to the door to the staff-only backrooms and quickly moved behind the counter, towards the slightly shorter guy impatiently tapping his fingers on the wooden surface. It was only when the other student noticed Sehun and looked up that Sehun recognized him, surprise zapping through him with a jolt.  
  
But then Luhan, star player of the university’s soccer team, wasn’t a regular sight in the library. As a matter of fact, it was his first time seeing him here and judging by the look on that deceptively pretty face, the older student wasn’t very happy about it.  
  
“Sorry for the wait, how can I help you?”  
  
For some reason his polite question only deepened the scowl on Luhan’s face.  
  
“Finally! I thought I was going to wax old here.”  
  
His voice was smooth, pleasantly low without being _too_ deep, but his tone was belligerent, bordering on rude, and it set Sehun’s own temper on edge. Still, he kept a pleasantly polite expression on his face and swallowed the scathing reply on his tongue. He had dealt with bigger jerks and it was his job to stay friendly. On top of that, Luhan was rumored to be just enough of an asshole to file a complaint about any kind of disagreeable behavior. But that didn’t mean he couldn’t call him all sorts of names in his head.  
  
“I’m sorry for that. My colleague seems to be assisting someone else right now.”  
  
Luhan didn’t appear overly mollified by that, scowl staying on his face as he ran a restless hand through his short dark hair, messing it up in a way only someone with his looks could pull off without looking like a complete slob. Even dressed casually as he was, with ripped black jeans and a red unzipped hoodie over a white tshirt, coupled with that tired, annoyed expression, he still looked uncomfortably attractive. Sehun wasn’t the least bit surprised that droves of men and women alike fell for the guy and not even his personality, which obviously left a lot to be desired, could change that.  
  
“I want to check out these books.”  
  
With that the older man dropped a stack of books onto the counter, his own dog-eared textbooks and notepad on top of the pile and Sehun was seriously tempted to let his, by now wavering smile slip and scowl at the guy in return. This was why Jongdae usually handled dealing with people, while Sehun gladly took care of the grunt work, sorting and re-shelving returned books, returning books to their designated place in case visitors simply left them on their table or put them in the wrong place. He just didn’t have the patience or cheerful, approachable personality of his friend, especially not when it came to dealing with entitled douches like this one. And the fact that Sehun found himself constantly distracted by that way too appealing face certainly didn’t help with his mood. It was a major blow to his ego and actually kind of infuriating to find himself just as captivated as everyone else.  
  
He had honestly believed himself smarter than that, but apparently he was as susceptible to a beautiful face and hot body as the next person. But that was just chemistry, pure physical attraction and something he could definitely ignore if he tried hard enough. Which he definitely would. He might not be able to control his instinctive reaction – fine, attraction – to the guy, but that didn’t mean Sehun couldn’t recognize him for the asshole he obviously was. And he was at least smart enough to stay away from those, no matter how good-looking.  
  
And that was when his gaze finally fell on the open notepad on the pile of books in front of him. His entire body froze after giving a short start and for a second Sehun honestly didn’t know why. But before the confusion had time to settle in, his eyes roved over the scattered, messily written notes on the only half-filled page a second time and suddenly it all made sense. With a mix of shock, disbelief and stunned realization he stared down at the flatly looped ‘b’s and ‘d’s, the almost indistinguishable ‘f’s and ‘t’s and that ‘r’ that took generous amounts of imagination to identify.  
  
As unbelievable as it seemed, Sehun knew that handwriting. He had been reading and replying to letters written exactly like these notes every Monday and Thursday for the last 3 months. In fact, he had just left an answer to one a few hours ago, and seeing that script in front of him now, left him reeling from the most intense case of mixed feelings he had ever experienced.  
  
“Is there a reason you’re just staring at the books instead of checking them out like you’re supposed to? I shouldn’t think it’s that complicated.”  
  
Luhan’s derisive voice cut through the thick haze of shock, but it took him several moments before he managed to talk through his tight throat and dry mouth.  
  
“Do you have dramatic lit lectures every Monday and Thursday morning?”  
  
The clear disregard of his request – more like order – gave Luhan his first pause, eyebrows shooting up, before they pulled together in a renewed frown as he narrowed his eyes at Sehun.  
  
“Yeah, what do you care?”  
  
And Sehun knew his suspicion were confirmed. Luhan was actually the person he had been having all those written conversations with for the last few months and he honestly couldn’t say if he was gravely disappointed or shamefully excited. Every time he had tried to picture the person he was exchanging these messages with, he had imagined a nice, approachable guy with a great sense of humor - _not_ the university’s star athlete with an attitude problem.  
  
At the same time, he couldn’t deny the frisson of excitement zinging up his spine at the realization that he had finally met his ‘pen-pal’. The fact that he looked like something out of a movie and had a body straight out of Sehun’s wet dreams, kind of lessened the sting of him being a prick. Sehun wasn’t proud of it, but he had never been one to lie to himself and as he had already discovered, not even he was immune to the other’s gorgeous looks and jock status. And then there was the fact that he _had_ seen a very different side of him in all those little letters. He obviously wasn’t just a jerk.  
  
The first time he had gotten a note from Luhan had been barely three weeks into the semester. He had been seated for several minutes, listening to Kyungsoo’s story about how he had almost managed to make Jongin cry while getting breakfast that morning, when his gaze had fallen on the inconspicuous downwards arrow, clearly drawn with a pencil at the edge of his desk. He had mostly ignored it at first, but his eyes had just kept on returning to the simple drawing, so despite the rising feeling of utter foolishness, he had taken a quick peek under his table, confusing a still talking Kyungsoo in the process, and encountered the post it note precariously stuck to the underside of his desk.  
  
_Mr. Yoo is in a seriously bad mood and he has the habit of quizzing his students when he’s pissed. Just a fair warning._  
  
That little note hadn’t just been the beginning of Luhan and Sehun’s written conversations, it had also literally saved his and Kyungsoo’s asses, as they had both been completely unprepared for any kind of surprise questioning. The five minutes until the arrival of their professor had been spent going over as much of the previous lecture’s notes and even though it hadn’t been much, the last minute cramming had been enough to avoid a complete failure.  
  
Thinking he at least owed his anonymous savior a proper thank you, Sehun had ripped out a little piece of paper, scribbled a quick thanks and had taped it to the same spot where he had found the warning. And to his complete surprise there had actually been a reply 3 days later.  
  
Looking at Luhan now, still standing completely relaxed on the other side of the counter, despite the now seriously annoyed glare directed at Sehun, the younger had to admit he would have never expected the star striker of their university’s soccer team to bother with something like that warning. It just seemed so… considerate, and that certainly wasn’t the first word he associated with the slightly smaller man.  
  
“You know, you seemed like a much nicer person in those messages you left me under that table. Not nearly as much of an asshole.”  
  
With that he picked up the three books on the counter, scanned the ID in Luhan’s completely unmoving hand and started checking out his choices. He purposefully didn’t look at Luhan, wanting to let his words sink in a bit and instead focused completely on the task at hand.  
  
When he finally turned back, Luhan was staring at him with wide, disbelieving eyes, pink mouth slightly parted and looking truly flustered for the first time, but instead of the distilled feeling of triumph Sehun had expected, there was also an entirely worrisome flutter low in his belly.  
  
“You’re table-boy!”  
  
Completely uncaring of the fact that his voice was way too loud for the library, Luhan lit up with a gigantic grin and it transformed his entire face. As unhappy as Sehun was about it, his earlier annoyance had made him look really hot, while the few seconds of surprise had turned him pretty to the point of appearing almost untouchable. But it was the grin that seemed to awaken his entire face. From one second to the other he suddenly looked about five years younger, a little mischievous, a little dumb, and in his desperate attempt to ignore the way his stomach flip-flopped at the sight, Sehun focused on the older man’s words instead.  
  
“Table-boy? Really? That’s what you’ve been calling me all this time?”  
  
The smile remained on Luhan’s face, but at the same time his expression changed completely. Bright excitement morphed into wry amusement, which – unfortunately – wasn’t any easier to deal with, as far as Sehun’s squirming insides were concerned.  
  
“So you’re saying you have a better name for me?”  
  
_Well, fuck._  
  
He should have thought about that before opening his big mouth, because now there was no getting out of having to reveal his own lame nickname for the guy. Not with the way Luhan’s eyebrows were slowly inching up, head tilting to the side in undisguised inquiry, and where the expression should have probably looked at least a little bit adorable, Sehun felt nothing but pure challenge radiating off the older man.  
  
“Pen pal.”  
  
It was a barely coherent admission, mumbled sloppily with his head turned to the side in a useless attempt to hide the embarrassed color rising to his cheeks.  
  
“Yeah, you’re right. That one is so much better.”  
  
That smooth voice was practically dripping with sarcasm and where that had already been enough, to turn Sehun’s heightened color into a full-blown blush, it was the little scoff at the end that did Sehun in. It took all of his control to stifle a mortified cringe.  
  
“I think it’d be best, since we’re both so talented when it comes to coming up with nicknames, if you’d just give me your real name.”  
  
And that was when Sehun realized that – of course – Luhan had no idea who he was. Just because Sehun had immediately recognized the other man, that didn’t mean the other would have had the same kind of epiphany. For Luhan he was still just that nameless guy he had exchanged letters with for the last few months, nothing more, and for some reason he felt the sharp prick to his pride as the reality of the situations slowly settled in.  
  
“My name’s Sehun. Oh Sehun.”  
  
“I’m Luhan.”  
  
“Yeah, I know. I’m pretty sure it’s close to impossible to go to this university, without having your name come up in conversation at least once a day. I’m not sure if you’ve noticed, but you’re quite … well-known.”  
  
“Oh, right.”  
  
Contrary to all of his expectations, there was not even a hint of smugness or self-satisfaction in Luhan’s tone, he actually sounded a lot like someone who had just been reminded of something he had the habit of forgetting on a regular basis. Sehun hated to admit it, but he felt his usually so difficult-to-rouse curiosity coming to a tentative wakefulness inside of him at the realization that the soccer player didn’t seem to feed off his popularity nearly as much as he would have expected.  
  
Before he could chase that thought any further though, a low, unobtrusive beep pulled him away from his confused musings. He should have known Luhan would be the type of person that forgot to mute his phone in the library or just didn’t bother to do it at all. A phone that obviously held no great news, as a single glance down at his screen had Luhan pulling an annoyed grimace.  
  
“Practice starts in five minutes, so I gotta go,” he announced, shoving the phone back into his pocket and unceremoniously picking up the stack of books in front of him. “This was… interesting. See you around.”  
  
He didn’t even give Sehun a chance to come up with a reply to that pathetic excuse of a good-bye, before he turned around and started walking away. But he was barely three meters away when he turned back around with a curious expression on that impressive face.  
  
“How’d you know I would roll my eyes at you?”  
  
Sehun was pretty sure he made quite the idiotic picture, staring back at Luhan at a complete loss, taking several seconds to realize that the older man was referring to the last line of his note from Monday.  
  
“Let’s just say you seem like the type who’d never voluntarily watch a black and white movie.”  
  
“Are you saying I come across as uncultured?”  
  
“The word I was going for was ‘borderline-ignorant,’ but if you prefer ‘uncultured’ we can go with that.”  
  
“Do you know that you have a really weird way of talking?” Luhan seamlessly switched topics, vague smile tugging at his lips and completely ignoring the point of Sehun’s comment.  
  
“It’s called ‘using your vocabulary’, you should try it sometimes.”  
  
“Well, I was going for ‘acting like a pretentious dweeb’, but you know… we can go with _’using your vocabulary’_ if that makes you happy.”  
  
With that and a last infuriating smirk, Luhan turned around and all but sauntered his way out of the library, leaving Sehun standing there with his mouth open in surprised outrage and his temper slowly rising to its boiling point. If there was one thing he hated more than anything else, it was having his words thrown back in his face. And somehow, Luhan had managed to do just that in the most obnoxious way possible.  
  
  
  
  
It was rare for Jongin to be home whenever Sehun returned to their dorm room after his Thursday afternoon shift in the library, but he felt a definite wave of relief crashing over him as he opened the door and found his roommate sprawled out on his bed in his favorite sweats and a black tank, with Kyungsoo leaned back in the desk chair next to him.  
  
Mumbling a weak greeting, Sehun dropped his bag to the ground, shuffled over to the closet and quickly changed into more comfortable clothes before dragging himself over to the other side of the room and letting himself drop down on top of his best friend. Jongin’s protesting groan actually managed to get a weak smile out of him and after a few more seconds he shifted slightly to the right, until he was merely cuddled up against his best friend, instead of completely squishing him.  
  
“Hey, you alright?”  
  
In favor of a coherent answer, Sehun just smothered a pathetic whine in the warm curve of Jongin’s neck, seriously tempted to grin a second time at the way it had the slightly older man wincing, but never moving away. Instead Sehun felt the soft touch of Jongin’s hand, as he gently patted the top of Sehun’s head, trying to offer comfort before he even knew what was troubling his best friend.  
  
Feeling the mattress dip, Sehun turned his head just enough to find Kyungsoo sitting at the edge of the bed looking down at them with a mix of wry amusement and worry.  
  
“Long day? Or did something happen?”  
  
The gentle words were accompanied by another hand coming to a rest on his back and it was the additional show of support and comfort that had the knotted confusion in Sehun’s chest loosening enough for him to start talking. Halting and unsure at first, but growing bolder and more agitated by the second, until the words were all but tumbling out of his mouth.  
  
His account of meeting Luhan and finding out his true identity was met with several heartbeats of frozen silence, before both of his friends started shouting all at once.  
  
“LUHAN?!”  
  
“What the fuck?!”  
  
“Are you serious?”  
  
“Holy shit! So you’re saying Luhan is your ‘pen pal’? Soccer star Luhan?!” Kyungsoo’s voice almost cracked as his eyes went impossibly wide. “I told you to be careful! That you might be exchanging letters with an asshole! And I was right!”  
  
“Are you saying Luhan is an asshole?” Jongin asked in surprise, his eyes still shining with curiosity and a bit too much excitement.  
  
“That’s exactly what I’m saying.”  
  
“First of all, you didn’t warn me about assholes, you said I could be talking to a freak,” Sehun grumbled sullenly, cheek still pressed to Jongin’s arm. “And on top of that he wasn’t acting like an asshole when he warned us about that surprise quiz three months ago. As a matter of fact he never sounded like a jerk in any of the notes he wrote me. But you’re right, I talked to him for a while and he… well, let’s just say he isn’t quite as friendly as the stories make him out to be.”  
  
“Seriously? Cause all I’ve heard is people talking about how great he is, to be honest.”  
  
Jongin couldn’t seem to believe it, but it wasn’t worry so much as fascination in his tone.  
  
“That’s because people are blinded by his jock status and too busy ogling that pretty face. But other people’s hard-ons for the guy aren’t what’s important right now. What really matters is that Sehun has been exchanging letters with him since the beginning of this semester!”  
  
“I’ve had some trouble wrapping my mind around that as well,” Sehun admitted quietly.  
  
“At least you know now, so you can forget all about him and those letters.”  
  
The complete silence that followed Kyungsoo’s statement stretched until it seemed to fill the entire room, growing tenser and more stifling by the second, but Sehun just couldn’t get himself to agree. Not when he just _knew_ that there was more to Luhan than met the eye. And then there was that damned spark of attraction that had flashed low in Sehun’s belly and hadn’t stopped flaring ever since that first look into the older man’s eyes.  
  
“Sehun?”  
  
There was a definite undercurrent of threat laced through his eldest friend’s voice, as he plopped down on top of Sehun’s back, clearly demanding an answer, and suddenly he knew exactly how Jongin had felt a few seconds ago, breath knocked out of him and face pressed into the mattress. Wriggling until Kyungsoo shifted so he was sprawled out over both of his friends, Sehun came up for some desperately needed air and shot the dark-haired man on top a glare.  
  
“I _know_ he has a funny and nice side to him as well. I’ve been seeing it for the last three months. And I really liked that Luhan.” It was probably the thing that bothered him the most, seeing two completely different sides of his personality and not knowing how to deal with them. “Then there’s the fact that he’s… uhm… well… ”  
  
“Hot.”  
  
While Sehun breathed out a sigh of relief at Jongin’s short and matter-of-fact statement, ridiculously relieved he hadn’t been the one to say it, Kyungsoo didn’t seem nearly as impressed, giving his younger friend a visibly affronted look.  
  
“He is,” Jongin insisted, obviously not the least bit bothered by the glare Kyungsoo was throwing in his direction, and Sehun found himself nodding along like a puppet on a string. “It’s not just that face, but the body as well. Have you seen that guy up close? Soccer is clearly a great way to get your body in serious shape.”  
  
By the time Jongin concluded his little speech, Sehun was still nodding like an idiot, while Kyungsoo looked at the the two of them with something very close to disgust on his face.  
  
“I can’t believe you fell for that face as well!”  
  
Sehun might have reprimanded himself for the exact same thing a few hours ago, but that didn’t keep him from passionately defending himself now.  
  
“That’s so unfair! You try talking to him for more than a few seconds without noticing how attractive he is! And like I said, I’ve seen a different side of him! This is really confusing for me as well!”  
  
“So you’re saying you want to keep on exchanging letters with him?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Do you think he’ll write you another one now that he knows who you are?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Is there anything you _do_ know?”  
  
“I don’t...,” Sehun hastily broke off his reply at the look on Kyungsoo’s face, knowing he would do more than simply piss off the older man by repeating the same thing another time and that was _never_ a good idea. So instead he just let his head slump down and groaned into Jongin’s pillow, to the sound of Kyungsoo’s sigh and the feeling of Jongin’s hand taking up the comforting patting motion again.  
  
  
  
By the time Monday’s dramatic lit lecture came around, Sehun still hadn’t found an answer to any of those questions. He had spent the entire weekend going over his encounter with Luhan again and again, incapable of thinking about anything else. But the longer he thought about it, the less sense it made. He just couldn’t seem to reconcile the impression Luhan had made on him with the way he had sounded in his letters.  
  
Yes, there was a certain kind of familiarity in the way he seemed to have a comeback to absolutely everything, a way with words that could be both playful and biting, but that was where the similarities ended – and all of Sehun’s troubles began.  
  
He was so preoccupied with his thoughts, he didn’t even notice an out-of-breath Kyungsoo sitting down next to him, until the older man huffed out his impatient question.  
  
“So, did you get another note?”  
  
For a second he just blinked at Kyungsoo, confusion thick on his mind, before he realized that he hadn’t actually checked the underside of his table. He honestly hadn’t expected there to be a note, so it wasn’t until he was staring down at the unfolded letter in his hands that he got the answers to two of the countless questions still tumbling around in his head.  
  
1\. Yes, Luhan had actually left him one more note after all.  
  
2\. He had definitely wanted him to – if the slow loosening of the knot of anxiety in his chest was anything to go by.  
  
_We have a practice game tomorrow. You should come and watch._  
  
“Are you going?”  
  
“I…”  
  
“Let me guess. You don’t know.”  
  
  
  
  
But of course he went. He only made it to the second half, players already on the field by the time he started climbing the steps of the packed bleachers, since it had taken him longer than expected to finish his essay. Sehun thought that had probably been due to his frustrating inability to concentrate.  
  
Sehun realized pretty quickly that watching soccer was a completely different experience when you knew one of the players. He had been to plenty of matches before and had watched his fair share of games on TV, but none of those could compare to the experience of watching a match and being entirely focused on one man alone. It was as if his eyes were glued to Luhan’s form, easily recognizable by the ridiculous bursts of speed and aggressive, but simultaneously skilled type of play. He found himself cheering louder at scoring opportunities, flinching harder when Luhan was fouled and all but screaming his lungs out when five minutes before the end of the match, Luhan made an amazing eighty feet pass that resulted in one of his teammates easily kicking the ball past the opposing goalie and extending their lead to a safe 3:1.  
  
While most of the spectators started leaving the stands shortly after the final whistle, eager to continue their celebration of the win, Sehun remained seated and watched the scene along the sideline of the soccer field unfold. Sehun watched young men and women crowding around the jubilant players, saw and heard the crowd chanting something he couldn’t quite make out, but which obviously pleased the guys on the team. And even though he tried not to, Sehun eventually let his gaze settle on Luhan’s familiar form, where he was listening, stance relaxed and expression semi-curious, to what the two girls in front of him where telling him.  
  
Sehun wasn’t even aware of his staring, until his gaze made contact with clear, dark eyes and Sehun realized, jolt zapping through his body, that Luhan had turned his head and was now looking up at him directly.  
  
And suddenly he was moving, never taking his eyes off Sehun as he wordlessly stepped around the two girls and completely ignored their surprised calls of his name. Just a few seconds later he was jogging up the steps of the bleachers, accepting the pats on his back and congratulations with a vague smile, and Sehun found himself getting to his feet as soon as Luhan came to a stop right next to him. Looking up at the older man made him feel almost … he didn’t want to say vulnerable, but if he was honest with himself that was exactly what it had felt like. The older man was sweaty, with grass and dirt streaked across his uniform and skin, and a few strands of his wind-blown hair still clung to his sweat-sheened temples and forehead. Sehun didn’t know how he could still look as ridiculously attractive as he did, but there was just something about the self-satisfied smile on his pretty face that made him appear almost radiant.  
  
“So what did you think?”  
  
It was pure injustice that the guy didn’t even have the decency to be out of breath.  
  
“It was a good game.”  
  
“That’s it?”  
  
The mock insult on Luhan’s face made him look almost adorably goofy and Sehun, in his stubborn refusal to give the older man any kind of encouragement, bit down on his tongue until the powerful urge to smile had passed.  
  
“What do you want me to say?”  
  
“Congratulations? You did well? You’re clearly on your way to the pro-league? I’ve never seen something as impressive as that last pass?”  
  
He would not smile. There was no way he would let Luhan see that he found him even remotely funny.  
  
“Congratulations. You did well. With a bit more training you might actually make it into the pro-league one day.”  
  
A few beats of silence and then Luhan seemed to realize that Sehun wasn’t going to say any more – which, for some reason, seemed to amuse him intensely. The younger man was caught completely off guard by how much he liked Luhan’s real laugh – the one that had the corners of his eyes crinkling up and mouth opening so wide, it almost managed to make him look ugly. But all in all, with the clear, deep sound of his laughter and the way he slapped his own thighs in obvious mirth, it was a distressingly endearing laugh and Sehun was left swallowing through a suddenly dry throat and letting an answering smile slip on his face without even noticing.  
  
“I’m not sure why, but I’m glad you came, Oh Sehun.”  
  
  
  
Sehun wasn’t quite sure how going out to watch Luhan’s game had turned into accompanying the older man to the team’s after-game party, but Luhan had asked and somehow Sehun had found himself unable to refuse. Before he knew it, he was entering a ridiculously crowded apartment, just a few minutes away from campus, complete with the deafening sounds of music and characteristic smells of these kind of gatherings – a powerful mix of cigarette smoke, sweat, perfume, alcohol and other things Sehun didn’t want to think too closely about – crashing over him the second he stepped through the door.  
  
Luhan seemed to know everyone, men and women alike going out of their way to greet him and give him congratulatory hugs or pats on the shoulder as soon as they caught sight of him. Sehun honestly expected to be ditched within seconds of arriving at the party, but to his surprise Luhan made no move to abandon him, keeping Sehun at his side and leading him forward with a steady hand at the small of his back. The younger man was too distracted by the influx of names and unfamiliar faces with every new introduction to properly focus on the sudden, casual touch, but he knew he was thankful for the grounding presence next to him.  
  
Exchanging quick greetings and only the briefest of conversations, Luhan never lingered until he reached what seemed to be the rest of the team, with their closest friends, girl- or boyfriends and other assorted people crowded around the dinner table.  
  
“There you are!”  
  
More shoulder patting, one-armed hugging and cheek kissing ensued as soon as Chanyeol, Luhan’s best friend and goalie of the team, caught sight of Luhan and the entire group started greeting him with an enthusiasm that suggested that most of them had already started drinking.  
  
“I thought you’d never show up! We waited for you to start with the game.”  
  
“Game?”  
  
The question was out of his mouth before Sehun realized what he was doing and suddenly the group’s bundled attention was on him.  
  
“Hongbin here has the habit of making us all play a drinking game to ‘kickstart the evening’, as he likes to call it.”  
  
“Hey! I never heard any of you complain,” a tall, rather pretty guy with dark hair commented from across the table.  
  
“Yeah, yeah. Anyway, this is Sehun. Sehun, this ugly lot is the rest of my team. I guess you already know most of the names and you’ll probably find out the rest soon. If not … well, let’s just say it won’t be much of a loss.”  
  
Rounds of loud protest momentarily drowned out the sound of the music as Luhan threw him a purposefully innocent grin and Sehun didn’t even notice his own lips tugging up into an involuntary smile – again – until the elder’s eyes flashed with unmistakable triumph.  
  
  
  
“I have never… smoked a cigarette.”  
  
Groans followed Sehun’s turn, as everyone around the table, except for himself and a girl with shoulder-long blonde hair, took a deep gulp of their drinks.  
  
“That was so lame! Couldn’t you come up with a more interesting question? You had to know that most of us have at least tried smoking before.”  
  
Sehun just stared expressionlessly at Chanyeol, before he let out a quiet scoff.  
  
“Do I look like I’m interested in any of your past escapades? I just wanted you all to drink.”  
  
There were a few moments of silence – if one ignored the pounding beat of the music and chatter of too many people in one apartment – before the guy next to him broke out into booming laughter, the rest of the group joining in just a second later.  
  
“Where’d you find that one, Luhan? I like him.”  
  
The guy’s grin was broad as he threw a casual arm around Sehun’s shoulder and the younger man simply couldn’t help but feel just the tiniest bit flattered. At least until the sound of Luhan’s voice from his other side captured all of his attention.  
  
“I’m not telling you, Hyungsik. You wouldn’t know what to do with a decent person like him anyway.” That triggered another round of gleeful laughter. “And you can like him all you want, but no touching. You'll have more luck trying that on someone else.”  
  
There was _something_ in Luhan’s voice, despite the amused smirk on his face, but while it was completely lost on Sehun, Hyungsik didn’t seem to have a problem getting the message as he pulled his arm back with a last quick squeeze of Sehun’s shoulder.  
  
“It was worth a shot.” The grin on his face was completely unrepentant, as he took his initial place at the table to the sound of several exaggerated wolf whistles. “Your turn, captain.”  
  
There was a pause of two more seconds, before Luhan faced the group again, smirk growing just the smallest bit wider, and Sehun thought he heard more than one “uh oh” from the round of players. A moment later he knew exactly why.  
  
“I’ve never… had sex with something made from plastic.”  
  
A gasp and the sound of someone choking on his drink from behind them and Sehun suddenly felt his mouth drop open as he watched one, two, three, four,… _seven_ people drink in response to Luhan’s challenge. The crowd around them broke out into wild cheers, but Sehun found himself focusing on the sound of Luhan’s smug laughter and the touch on his chin, as the older man gently closed his gaping mouth, giving it an almost affectionate pat as he pulled his hand back with the flash of another satisfied grin.  
  
  
Sehun had danced with so many people, he had actually lost track of the exact number - men, women, that one guy that had looked suspiciously much like a woman - and by the time he was reeled in by his next dance partner, he was feeling completely relaxed, body thrumming with a mix of alcohol and euphoria from the physical exertion.  
  
He recognized the scent of his cologne before he even got a proper look at Luhan and without thinking he let himself slump against the older man, spinning head lowering towards his shoulder, as soon as Luhan’s hands settled on his hips to steady him.  
  
“Having fun?”  
  
The smaller man’s voice sounded amused, if slightly slurred, even over the almost deafening beat of the music, and for a crazy second Sehun wondered if he would be able to taste the emotion on Luhan’s lips, if he just leaned forward and dragged his tongue over that pink, tempting bottom lip.  
  
It was a ridiculous thought, of course. Emotions weren’t something to be tasted, but there was just something so captivating, so _vivid_ about the older man’s expressions that he found himself strangely compelled to keep them all for himself. So he wasn’t quite sure if he was annoyed or relieved when Chanyeol showed up next to them to shove two more shot-glasses at them, lime slices balanced across the rim.  
  
“Bottoms up!”  
  
It was probably his fourth – maybe fifth – glass and like all the times before Sehun actually shuddered as the taste of Tequila hit his tongue, quickly lifting the slice of fruit to his lips and gratefully sucking its way more pleasant juice into his mouth. He watched Luhan do the same thing, a lot quicker and more graceful than him, and tried not to stare at the way his neck looked as he threw back his own shot. A second later Chanyeol disappeared with hard, almost painful slaps to their backs and this time it was definitely relief Sehun was feeling.  
  
“Are your parties always like this?”  
  
“No. You managed to pick one of the rowdier ones, actually.”  
  
“Great.”  
  
Sehun was pretty sure Luhan was laughing at him again, eyes and grin flashing merrily, but before he had time to work up some appropriate indignation, he felt Luhan pull him in and his body just instinctively started moving to the music again. Losing himself in the fluid movements, the feeling of Luhan so close to him and those steady hands leading him through one, two and more songs was easy, so incredibly easy, and soon he stopped thinking altogether.  
  
“So you like to dance?”  
  
For once Luhan didn’t shout the words to make himself heard over the blaring sounds around them, but simply leaned up and asked the question directly into his ear, warm breath ghosting over Sehun’s skin and something hot, something reckless flashed low in the younger’s belly.  
  
“Yeah, always have.”  
  
The taller man was well aware he was courting potential disaster as he answered the question, lips purposefully grazing the shell of Luhan’s ear and feeling him shiver in response, but for once he simply didn’t care. Sehun honestly didn’t think as he let the other man capture his lips, just gave in to the low buzz of attraction that had been there since their first meeting in the library with a quiet sound of relief. Luhan’s mouth was sure, demanding, as he coaxed the younger’s lips open with a slow lick over his full lower lip, hands tightening their grasp on his hips and on another, decidedly more breathless sound, Sehun let the other’s tongue slip into his mouth. The taste of lime still lingered on his tongue and coupled with the delicious, wet heat of Luhan’s kiss, the feeling of sweat-dampened, soft hair beneath his fingers and the sensation of those talented hands tightening their hold him, Sehun felt his precarious grip on reason slip without any regrets.  
  
But it wasn’t until Luhan dragged his lips over the sharp curve of Sehun’s jaw, settling on that spot directly beneath his ear and clamped his teeth down on the patch of sensitive skin that Sehun felt his hips surge forward with a sharp moan. He was already half-hard, feeling the answering pressure of Luhan’s cock through the restricting tightness of their jeans and in that moment he couldn’t have cared less about being in a room full of people. Nothing mattered but the slick meeting of their mouths, the press of Luhan’s hard body against his, the feeling of the smaller man’s hand slipping under his shirt and fingers digging into the hot, sensitive skin of his sides.  
  
He wasn’t quite sure what did it, what sparked the memory in his mind, but one second Luhan was swallowing Sehun’s breathy moans at the hot slide of the elder’s fingers over his skin and the next his mind flashed to one of the notes Luhan had written him over a month ago. Words were replaying, sparking flares of alarm inside of him and the younger man froze with his hands still clutching Luhan’s hair.  
  
_I don’t sleep around. If I sleep with someone, he or she is the only one, but it’s always a one-time or no-strings-attached thing. Relationships are just too much trouble. Tried it a few times and it always ended in an epic fight. The fact that none of my exes want to look at my face, and that I feel the same way about them, should probably tell you enough.  
So to answer your question: yes, I could do relationships, but I just don’t want to._  
  
Sehun didn’t want to be a ‘one-time' or no-strings-attached thing’.  
  
Abruptly pulling himself away from Luhan with a pained, almost whimpering sound, dragged out by the way he felt Luhan’s hands tightening on him in an effort to keep him close, Sehun stumbled back from the most volatile and mind-blowing kiss he had ever shared. He had never believed that physical longing could actually hurt, but right there, among the wildly partying people and staring down at Luhan who looked one second away from dragging him back in, he was proven completely and irrevocably wrong.  
  
“Wait… wait.” Breathing heavy and body protesting, he took another conflicted step away from Luhan that had his stomach twisting miserably. “I’m not… I can’t do this. I’m not interested in being anyone’s flavor of the night, week or month. Call me a prude, delusional or sappy, but when I kiss or actually sleep with someone, I want it to mean more than just temporary gratification.”  
  
A part of Sehun was screaming at himself to shut up, the part that looked at Luhan and felt the hot, undeniable slide of desire and pure want. The way he was standing there, still within arm’s reach and looking fucking gorgeous with his hair messed up from Sehun’s fingers, lips swollen and eyes swirling with hunger and confusion alike, made it close to impossible to think straight. But there was also the part of him that looked at the older man and knew he didn’t just want to sleep with him, didn’t want to become just another nobody in a row of one-night-stands or meaningless flings. Somewhere along the way, without really noticing, he had come to the realization that he wanted to find out more about Luhan, wanted – just maybe – to stay at his side for as long as possible and figure out if the slow simmering of heat that had been there from the first second, could possibly mean more.  
  
For a few seconds Luhan just blinked at him, somehow managing to look both hot and adorably lost at the same time, before he straightened, swaying slightly at the abrupt movement.  
  
“Okay.”  
  
Sehun must have looked as astonished as he felt, as his reaction put an almost annoyed frown on Luhan’s face. “What?”  
  
“I don’t know, I kinda expected you to laugh at me or tell me all the reasons why I’m wrong.”  
  
“Christ, I’m not a complete asshole! If that’s how you feel then what right do I have to tell you you’re wrong or foolish? I just wish you’d have remembered that before getting me like this.” A meaningful look at the erection still straining against the zipper of his gray jeans and Sehun felt something in his chest shift at those exasperated, slightly slurred words. “Also, I can’t fucking believe you can still talk like that and use words like temporary gratification when you’re drunk. You’re really something, Oh Sehun.”  
  
There was a look bordering on _something_ flickering in Luhan’s slightly unfocused eyes, but Sehun’s alcohol-muddled brain was entirely unwilling to cooperate and provide a name for the fleeting flash of emotion. He was almost convinced it was better that way. And the next moment he lost his entire train of thought, as Luhan reached out and threw an arm over Sehun’s shoulder, stumbling into him before they regained their precarious balance.  
  
“Let’s get another drink.”  
  
  
  
And those fateful words out of Luhan’s mouth led to Sehun waking up sprawled out on the couch of Luhan’s dorm room, the mother of all hangovers merrily pounding away in his head. His surfacing into consciousness wasn’t an immediate thing. There were hazy recollections of noise, heat, sweaty bodies pressed up and rocking against his to the heavy beat of the music. The disgusting, but somehow welcome taste of cheap tequila on his tongue and the searing burn of alcohol down his throat. And then there was the dull, but insistent pounding of his head that ratcheted up into a searing kind of pain the second he moved the slightest bit. It was not the least bit helped by the sound of the entirely too loud voice next to him.  
  
“Rise and shine.”  
  
“Stop screaming.”  
  
He was probably begging instead of making an actual request, but Sehun was in too much pain to care.  
  
“I’m practically whispering, Sehun.”  
  
_Luhan._  
  
The spike of emotion in his chest that followed the hazy realization had nothing to do with his hangover or nausea and everything to do with the startlingly clear memory of a firm body pressed up against his, strong fingers holding on to him and hot lips teasing his own open with exhilarating, single-minded focus. He wondered if Luhan was going to tell him to get lost, let him know what an idiot he had been, now that they were both relatively sober, but when Luhan spoke again, there was nothing but teasing amusement in his voice and Sehun felt himself relax – as much as that was possible with the way his body was punishing him for the previous night.  
  
“That’ll teach you not to drink too much if you can’t hold your liquor.”  
  
Said the person who had probably been responsible for 95% of the drinks that had ended up in Sehun’s hands.  
  
“I hate you.”  
  
“Oh, come on, it’s not that bad. At least you had fun?”  
  
If he’d had any strength left in his body, he would have thrown his pillow at the man.  
  
“Why are you so damn cheerful?” Sehun muffled his growl with the arm he had thrown over his face to protect his sensitive eyes from the light. “You drank more than me.”  
  
“I don’t really get hangovers.”  
  
Screw his strength. He was definitely going to throw something at the horrible older man. As soon as moving didn’t hurt so fucking much.  
  
“Okay, let me rephrase my earlier words. I despise you.”  
  
“Really? Because I brought you coffee. Do you want me to drink all of it myself? Cause I will.”  
  
Groaning into the pillow under his cheek, Sehun slowly – very slowly – turned around and struggled into an upright position, letting out another pained sound – he _did not_ whimper – at the pain flaring up in his temples as the movement rattled his head. He blindly reached out and found a still blessedly warm to-go cup pressed into his hand. But one greedy gulp later and he was groaning for an entirely different reason.  
  
“Fuck! Why is this so strong?”  
  
Shooting Luhan a glare was almost worth the stabbing pain of opening his eyes to the bright light streaming in through the window and the even brighter – and slightly sadistic – smile on Luhan’s face.  
  
“Suck it up. It’s not going to do you any good against that hangover if it’s more milk and chocolate than actual coffee.” The older man was definitely enjoying this too much. “Now drink up and take a shower. I’m buying you lunch because you need to eat something. You can borrow one of my shirts since yours seems to have gone missing.”  
  
Sehun’s only reply to that was to take another careful sip of the drink in his hand, put it down on the floor and let himself fall back on the couch with a _very_ imaginative curse.  
  
  
  
But Luhan had been right. One cup of coffee and a scalding hot shower later, Sehun almost felt human again as he followed Luhan into the cafeteria and lined up for their lunch. He still wasn’t convinced food would be such a good idea, but the older man was adamant and Sehun figured he had more experience with the aftermaths of evenings like the previous one. He took the nonappearance of another wave of nausea at the smells inside the cafeteria as a good sign.  
  
“Don’t choose any carbonated drinks, just go with plain water or Gatorade or you’ll be sick like a dog in a minute.”  
  
It was the mention of the drink that had a hazy memory creeping up that threatened to turn his stomach for good.  
  
“I have a question… did I really let Hyorin do bodyshots off me last night or was that just a really weird, vivid dream?”  
  
_Please let it be a dream, please let it be a dream_ , Sehun prayed as he gripped the bottle of water in his hand a little tighter.  
  
“You sure did,” Luhan confirmed gleefully, a grin spreading on his face that looked downright delighted, and – not for the first time that day – made Sehun feel like crying. The next moment he reached around the younger man and slipped his hand into the right back pocket of his jeans. Jumping slightly at the sudden proximity and unexpected touch, Sehun raised his eyebrow and gave him his best “what the hell” look, working hard to ignore the little spike in his pulse. The look was returned with a mock innocent smile before Luhan pulled his hand back, a small slip of paper held between his fingers. “And my guess is… she enjoyed it.”  
  
The suggestive tone of Luhan’s voice was already worrisome enough, but it was the pure teasing glint in his eyes that suddenly had his stomach feeling heavy with something other than the constant nausea. Unfolding the little piece of paper with dread unfurling inside of him, he took in the series of numbers and underlined “Call me ♡” and felt his face fall with a mix of mortification and near-panic. His expression must have been quite priceless, judging by the way Luhan started cackling loud enough to scare the woman ringing up their meal.  
  
Still, Sehun somehow managed to wait until they were seated at one of the otherwise empty tables of the cafeteria, before he shoved the paper back at Luhan.  
  
“You take it.”  
  
The older man just gave him a bland stare that barely managed to mask the amusement beneath, as he reached for his can of soda.  
  
“What am I supposed to do with it?”  
  
“I don’t know! But you’re the only guy ay this table interested in girls, so… whatever. I don’t want it,” Sehun hissed, eyeing the numbers as if they were going to pounce off the paper and attack him any second.  
  
“If you don’t want to call her, then just don’t do it.” There was an undertone to his voice that had Sehun peeling his wary gaze away from the slip of paper and looking up at Luhan seated opposite him. But there was nothing to give away the emotion on his face, expression still the same mix of amusement and mischief. “She won’t take it personal, believe me. Hyorin knows how this game works.”  
  
“You sure?”  
  
“Yes, so you can stop panicking now.”  
  
With that he took a big bite of his pizza, obviously done with the topic, and with a last wary glance at Hyorin’s note Sehun turned to his own lunch, spooning some of the soup into his mouth and letting it rest on his tongue a few careful seconds before swallowing. It wasn’t until he had downed about a third of the broth without any alarming spikes of nausea that Sehun risked talking again.  
  
“Don’t take this the wrong way, but I’m curious about something. Why did you bother with a warning about the professor’s bad mood in that first note you left me? It just doesn’t seem very in character.”  
  
It was something that had ‘bothered’ Sehun ever since he had found out that Luhan was his anonymous ‘pen pal’ and he finally had the chance to ask Luhan about it. Several seconds passed as the older man just stared at him, carefully chewing on his bite of pizza, as if he was contemplating his answer, and Sehun found himself involuntarily shifting forward in his seat.  
  
“I think there’s only one way to take this and that’s you trying to tell me I’m not a nice person.”  
  
“I…,” cutting off his automatic denial, Sehun blinked at Luhan in surprise. “Yeah, you’re probably right.”  
  
If Luhan was bothered by Sehun’s bluntness he didn’t show it, apart from raising an eyebrow at him, beautiful face as relaxed as before. The next second that very familiar, very cocky grin made another appearance.  
  
“I really don’t know how any of my self-confidence is still intact after all the time I've spent with you. I’ve never had anyone shoot as many holes in my ego as you have.”  
  
“Your ego is big enough to take the beating without any significant damage,” came Sehun’s dry reply, making Luhan’s grin grow impossibly wider before the dark-haired man managed to settle his features into a grave expression of fake-hurt.  
  
“I think you’re underestimating the nature of my sensitive and empathetic soul.”  
  
“Empathetic, I’m impressed.”  
  
“What can I say? You’re clearly rubbing off on me already. You know, since I’m _using my vocabulary_ a lot more often these days.”  
  
Sehun simply reached across the table to pick a piece of corn from the elder’s plate and flick it at Luhan in retaliation for that clearly mocking reply. In reality though, he had the hardest time suppressing a laugh and keeping the amused grin off his face.  
  
“Hilarious.” Truth. “But you didn’t answer my question. Why did you leave that note?”  
  
Picking the launched piece of corn out of his fringe with a disgruntled frown, Luhan gave it a fleeting, appraising glance, as if to decide if he should shoot it back at Sehun, before he popped it into his mouth with a careless shrug. It was only then that he focused his gaze back on him with his head tilted slightly to the side.  
  
“You know, after pissing off the professor, I thought the least thing I could do was to warn one of you poor sods.”  
  
Somehow, Sehun wasn’t surprised. He did consider throwing his spoon at Luhan, though.  
  
  
  
Hanging out with Luhan turned out to be surprisingly easy. They ate lunch together several times a week, Luhan came over to keep Sehun company during his shifts at the library, while Sehun showed up for all of Luhan’s games – even though he had made the wise decision to avoid the parties afterwards. Sometimes he just spent time in Luhan’s dorm room, usually trying to do his homework while the elder played video games or did his best to distract the younger man.  
  
There were moments, though, when being _friends_ with Luhan was anything but easy.  
  
Like those rare times Luhan actually joined him in doing his homework, biting his lips and staring down at his book with a concentrated frown tugging at his brows, and all Sehun wanted to do was to lean forward and nibble on those pink lips.  
  
When the first thing Luhan did after winning a game and celebrating with his team, was to run up the stairs of the bleachers, glowing and sweaty and _fucking gorgeous_ , to wherever Sehun was standing and pull him into a laughing hug. The blond always pretended to hate the hugs, but secretly loved them more than anything else.  
  
And then there were the few moments when he saw Luhan looking back at him with barely disguised hunger. They were always fleeting, looks that were gone in the blink of an eye and usually followed by impressively careless grins, but they always left Sehun breathless and unable to think about anything else for the rest of the day.  
  
Then there was the fact that Kyungsoo was running around with a perpetual scowl on his face, while Jongin – the ass – just seemed amazed that someone like Luhan was actually willing to spend time with Sehun. So all in all he wasn’t sure what to call the strange relationship they shared, or how to deal with the opposing urges of self-preservation, attraction, doubt and inconveniently strong affection. But he knew one thing: he wasn’t willing to give up spending time with Luhan. Even if it was often a sheer impossible challenge of restraint.  
  
  
“You’re not supposed to sit on the counter. It’s for books, not the asses of people unable to grasp the concept of chairs or standing.”  
  
Luhan didn’t seem impressed. Neither did he seem inclined to move as he watched Sehun brandish the library’s scanner at him like a weapon from behind the counter.  
  
“As if anyone actually cares.”  
  
“I care.”  
  
“Yeah, but I’m ignoring you, in case you haven’t noticed.”  
  
Like so many times before, Sehun was seriously tempted to growl at the immature antics of the older man.  
  
“You weren’t ignoring me two minutes ago when you tried to convince me to go to that party with you tonight.”  
  
“That’s different.”  
  
“Fascinating,” Sehun replied, the word practically dripping sarcasm. “But I still want you to move your ass off my counter.”  
  
Instead of doing as he was told, Luhan just leaned back on his arms, palms resting flat on the wooden surface, and gave Sehun his most winning smile.  
  
“Now about that party…”  
  
Not even bothering to bite back the frustrated hiss this time, Sehun turned towards the screen of his computer and pretended to focus on his work.  
  
“I told you I’m not going. I still remember how the last party you dragged me to ended and I don’t care to repeat that.”  
  
“Hey!” Luhan exclaimed in almost perfect indignation, the usual frown-line appearing between his brows. Then he swung his legs around, pushed off the wooden panel and joined Sehun behind the counter - once again ignoring the numerous times the younger man had told him he wasn’t allowed to do that. “The hangover wasn’t that bad and I treated you to lunch the next day! That has to count for something!”  
  
“I’m not talking about the hangover … or not _just_ the hangover.”  
  
That had the dark-haired man in front of him raising his eyebrows, clearly not following, and Sehun felt another sound of frustration pushing at this throat at being forced to spell it out loud for him.  
  
“Getting drunk and making out with you in the middle of the dance floor? Does that ring a bell for you?”  
  
The flash of heat and sudden darkening of Luhan’s eyes made it clear that the older man remembered quite well and suddenly his temper wasn’t the only thing making it difficult for the blond to keep his calm.  
  
“Oh… that.”  
  
“Yeah, _that_. And we both decided it wasn’t going to happen again. I’m not taking any chances.”  
  
“Actually, _you_ were the one that decided it wouldn’t happen again. I just went along because it seemed important to you and I didn’t want to make you feel uncomfortable.”  
  
Sehun tried – he really did – to ignore the way his heart gave a not-so-minor lurch at Luhan’s words, but where he might have succeeded with that, it was considerably harder not to notice the blooming of warmth in his chest and tightening of his throat. That was why dealing with Luhan was so fucking hard. He would think he'd finally regained his balance, only to have the older man say or do something that had his resolve and composure crumbling into dust around him. Not for the first time in the weeks that had passed, Sehun cursed himself for having the bad judgment of falling for someone who wasn’t the least bit interested in a relationship. The fact that it was still better than sleeping with someone who was bound to drop him after a few days, maybe weeks of fun and games wasn’t that much of a comfort, but Sehun knew it was the better of the two choices.  
  
That didn’t make this situation any easier, though.  
  
He liked Luhan – too damn much. He wanted to spend time with him and if friendship was all he could have without running the risk of having his heart broken by the older man, then he would make sure to keep things between them strictly platonic.  
  
Sehun did his best not to think about what would happen when Luhan decided it was time to find himself someone to do completely non-platonic things with, but it was still one of the reasons why he wasn’t planning on going to that party. Watching from the sidelines while Luhan was bombarded with offers, and seeing him maybe accepting one of them - these were the last things he wanted to do. As far as he knew, Luhan hadn’t hooked up with anyone since the two of them had started hanging out on a regular basis, but that phase was bound to end eventually and Sehun didn’t plan on being there when it happened. Dealing with the fallout, after hearing all about it through the campus grapevine, would be hard enough. There was no reason to torture himself by actually witnessing it firsthand.  
  
“Whatever, I’m not going.”  
  
For the first time that day the controlled expression slipped off Luhan’s face to reveal the barest hint of a _real_ frown, but before he could say anything more, the sound of approaching footsteps had them both looking up with a start.  
  
He actually felt Luhan tense up next to him as they watched Kyungsoo walking up to the counter, his friend’s expression growing decidedly sour as the smaller man took in the sight of them all but pressed up against each other on the other side of the wooden panel. Sehun hadn’t even noticed how close they had gotten during their discussion and it was only Kyungsoo’s judging, almost commanding glare that made him take a reluctant step away from Luhan. The small movement had the older man’s attention snapping back to Sehun and if the darkening look in his eyes was anything to go by, he wasn’t entirely pleased about the sudden distance between them.  
  
“Looks like the cavalry arrived.”  
  
It was a disgruntled murmur, barely loud enough for Sehun to hear, but it had him biting down on a startled laugh, as he gave Luhan a warning nudge with his elbow.  
  
“Guess that’s my cue to leave,” Luhan announced in a normal voice this time, as he purposefully straightened his expression. “Practice starts in 30 minutes, so I should get going anyway.”  
  
With that, a quick pat of Sehun’s ass – likely just to piss off his still scowling friend – and a mocking wave in Kyungsoo’s direction, Luhan hopped over the counter, in a move Sehun couldn’t even dream of copying without the absolute certainty of hurting and embarrassing himself, and walked out of the library. He stopped abruptly at the entrance and threw a way too loud “I’ll pick you up at 8.30” over his shoulder.  
  
“I said I’m not going!”  
  
Several of the students browsing the aisles and sitting at the nearby tables sent him glares of varying degrees of surprise and outrage, but Sehun was too focused on Luhan’s retreating back to care. It was only when Luhan disappeared out of sight that the blond turned towards Kyungsoo and took in the sour look on his face.  
  
“I know why I’m glaring at Luhan, but what’s your excuse? It’s been weeks since I found out he’s my pen pal and started spending more time with him. Don’t you think it’s time to stop scowling every single time you catch sight of him?”  
  
“No.”  
  
  
  
Pulling open the door at 8.35 on the dot, Sehun knew exactly who was going to be waiting for him on the other side, but unfortunately that didn’t manage to lessen the impact in the least. Luhan – standing completely relaxed, with his dark hair styled off his face, dressed in casual, but way too perfect-fitting clothes and a half-smile on his face – looked so devastingly handsome, it took all of Sehun’s control to keep himself from just standing there with his mouth hanging open. The older man, on the other hand, didn’t seem nearly as impressed with Sehun’s get-up, as he gave him a slow once-over and took in his gray sweats, faded Batman shirt and messy hair.  
  
“Really?”  
  
Screw that guy and his stupid gorgeous face and his even stupider ‘you’ve got to be kidding me’-look.  
  
“I told you, I’m not going to that party.”  
  
For a few moments they just stood there, wordlessly staring at each other in the open doorway, before Luhan pushed past Sehun with a sighed “fine”. Two seconds later, he was across the small room and letting himself fall down on Sehun’s unmade bed, determinedly pulling the younger’s laptop towards him.  
  
“We can just watch a movie, I guess. I still haven’t seen ’12 Angry Men’ and with you here I can at least make you pay if it ends up being as lame as I think it’ll be.”  
  
“But…,” standing with his hand still clutching the door handle, confusion thick on his tongue, Sehun just took in the way Luhan was already getting comfortable on his bed. “What about the party?”  
  
“There’ll be others.” He honestly acted as if he couldn’t care less. “Now close the door and get your ass over here. And you better have some snacks or we’ll have a serious problem.”  
  
Not knowing what else to do – and not quite able to stave the traitorous flaring of happiness at the realization that spending time with Sehun seemed to be more important to Luhan than that party – the younger man did as he was told and grabbed the still unopened bag of almonds out of his backpack.  
  
“Just so you know, Jongin will be home in about an hour and I can’t promise that he’ll be any happier to see you than Soo was this afternoon.”  
  
There was an amused expression on Luhan’s face as Sehun let himself sink down on the little space still left on his bed, stretching out on his stomach, so they were both facing the laptop on his pillow.  
  
“That’s okay, I kinda like Jongin. He’s not nearly as stuck-up as your other bodyguard.”  
  
  
  
  
“Aren’t you going to meet your boyfriend again today?”  
  
It were those words, deep voice vaguely familiar, that had him looking up and spotting Luhan and Chanyeol walking down the corridor just a few feet ahead of Kyungsoo and him. His immediate reaction was pleasure at running into Luhan, despite the fact that the older man had told him – expression rather grumpy – he wouldn’t have time to meet him today, but before he could call out his name, Kyungsoo’s hand on his arm had him drawing up abruptly.  
  
“Fuck off, Chanyeol. He’s not my boyfriend. I don’t have to see him every day. We’re just friends.”  
  
There were frissons of edginess in Luhan’s tone and, from one second to another, the horrible uneasiness surging up in his chest had Sehun clutching the fabric of his shirt with a trembling hand.  
  
“Please! You spend at least as much time with him as you do with Tao and me. And the way you look at him doesn’t seem _friendly_ at all. As a matter of fact I don’t think I’ve ever seen you look at anyone the way you look at him, so don’t give me this ‘just friends’ bullshit. I know you better than that.”  
  
Sehun was afraid to move. While another part of him just wanted to turn around and run, instinctively knowing he didn’t want to hear his friend’s next words, a rippling kind of panic spread through him as he took in the way Luhan had tensed at Chanyeol’s speech, shoulders going rigid and hands balling into white-knuckled fists at his sides.  
  
“He’s just an interesting challenge. That’s all.”  
  
Shock blanketed Sehun’s mind. He didn’t even feel himself stopping, just the blow of Luhan’s words, until pain and humiliation crashed over him like waves in a storm barely a second later. The blond thought he might have swayed under the impact, taken a stumbling step back, but he couldn’t be sure. Not when his fractured mind was so caught up in trying to make sense of what had just happened. It wasn’t his gasp, but Kyungsoo’s that had Luhan and Chanyeol wheeling around, twin expressions of shock on their faces, before the older man’s morphed into one of complete horror.  
  
“Sehun…”  
  
He felt himself shutting down, perversely grateful for the numbness creeping through him and eyes tracking Luhan’s movement as he took a hesitant step forward, arm slightly raised as if he was on the verge of reaching out to him.  
  
“It’s good to know what you actually think about me.”  
  
It sounded like his own voice, but at the same time it didn’t. It was too calm, too steady. It also had Luhan backing away from him again as if he had screamed the words at him. Sehun wheeled around and started walking away before he could humiliate himself by doing just that.  
  
It wasn’t until Kyungsoo caught up to him, wordlessly intertwined their fingers and gave his hand a soft squeeze that Sehun felt an almost choking sadness rising up in his throat.  
  
Luhan never called out to him, didn’t try to stop him, and Sehun thought that was all he needed to know.  
  
  
  
  
“I don’t think he’s going to stop, Sehun,” his best friend remarked at the renewed sound of Sehun’s ringtone.  
  
Days of endless, ignored calls and texts, of Jongin sending Luhan away every single time he came to knock on his and Sehun’s door and Sehun bolting whenever he thought he might have spotted Luhan on campus, but Sehun still felt the same mix of anger, hurt and humiliation at the mere thought of a certain dark-haired soccer player.  
  
“Kyungsoo and I thought about going out to grab dinner. Just leave your phone here and come with us. You haven’t been eating properly and we’re both starting to worry.”  
  
Jongin’s tone was no-nonsense, no false cheerfulness or insulting carefulness in his words, and Sehun was nothing but grateful. Jongin and Kyungsoo had barely left his side during the last few days, but neither of them had treated him as if he was going to break down any moment, had just stayed with him and let him know they were there if he needed them. The blond thought that was probably the only reason he had made it through all of this.  
  
“Thanks, but I actually think I’d like to be alone for a bit.”  
  
He almost wanted to kiss Jongin for not asking any more questions and simply getting up with a quiet “Just call if you need anything, I’ll be at Soo’s”.  
  
“Thanks, Jongin. For everything.”  
  
His best friend’s smile was gentle, almost painfully affectionate.  
  
“That’s what friends are for.”  
  
  
  
  
Barely an hour later he looked up from his book – still opened at the same page he had started on – at the sound of a knock on his door. He had almost expected it and for once he didn’t even consider ignoring it. He knew it was time to end this once and for all.  
  
Pulling open the door, he found himself looking down at Luhan’s unusually pale face and cursed himself for the immediate, traitorous spike of his heart rate, before he got himself under control again and schooled his own expression into an emotionless mask.  
  
“What do you want?”  
  
He saw Luhan wince at the arctic tone of his voice and for the first time it failed to move him.  
  
_Much._  
  
“Can I come in?”  
  
Sehun just crossed his arms in front of his body, making no move to let the older man step past him into the room.  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I’d like to apologize and explain a few things and I’d prefer it if I didn’t have to do that out here in the hallway. But I will, just to make that perfectly clear.”  
  
He couldn’t deny that those words had something in Sehun’s chest, a painful knot of hurt and betrayal, loosening just the slightest bit, but he desperately steeled himself against any kind of softer emotion. There was no way he would make this easy on Luhan, not after what he had done, what he had said.  
  
“I don’t think I want you in my room. I have no idea why you bothered with me this long, if I was just an interesting challenge, but I said this before and I’m gonna say it again. I’m not interested in being your toy. And I’m also no longer interested in being your friend.”  
  
Sehun wasn’t prepared for Luhan’s violent reaction, the way he flinched away as if he had struck him. Was even less prepared for the flash of hurt in those expressive, dark eyes, but he didn’t let himself react. At least not until he noticed Luhan pulling himself together, a kind of steely determination joining the still obvious pain in his eyes, and he almost changed his mind and pulled Luhan inside when he realized the older man had been completely serious about having this conversation regardless of the location. A few people had already started noticing the scene, were watching them with completely unhidden curiosity, and while the powerfully private part of Sehun screamed at him to move inside and hide, the gaping miasma of hurt and scorn inside his chest demanded to be obeyed. He was sure that almost everyone had heard about the incident from a few days ago, there was no sense in being overly covert now. People were already talking about him, he might as well give them more to gossip about. And if making Luhan apologize in public was the only revenge he could get for the way he had so cruelly stomped all over Sehun’s feelings, then he would take it.  
  
“Sehun, I’m so sorry.”  
  
The younger man felt something very close to self-loathing well up inside of him, as those words alone had his resolve crumbling like dust. He was pulling Luhan inside his dorm room and closing the door behind them within seconds, blatantly contradicting his own thoughts and words from just a few moments ago, but amazingly the older man didn’t even seem to notice, just kept on talking with an urgency that spoke of more than simple guilt.  
  
“I’m not here because you’re a challenge, or because the way you kept things between us made me crazy with sexual frustration. Because even though it would have made me an even bigger jerk, I could have taken care of that with someone else. But the thing is… I don’t want to. And I haven’t for a while. You’re basically all I can think of, you manage to ruin soccer practice for me because my focus is completely shot, I can’t concentrate in class and especially the last few days have been complete torture. I can’t stand you avoiding me like this. Even being with you as nothing more than friends, wanting you, but not being able to have you, wasn’t as unbearable as this!”  
  
Luhan looked almost frantic, as if he was trying to say something without finding the right words, while Sehun was doing his best to remember how to breathe. But any chance of that was completely ruined when Luhan’s next words registered.  
  
“I like you. And I’m not talking about the ‘you’re an awesome guy I’d like to hang out with’ kind of like. I’m afraid we’re talking about the ‘seeing you smile gives me these really embarrassing tingles’, the ‘I just want to spend all my time with you’, the ‘I hate seeing you with other people and even though I will probably always enjoy looking at others, I don’t actually want to be with anyone except you’ kind of like. And it’s scaring the hell out of me.” Luhan barely took a moment to draw in a deep breath, before he pressed on, giving Sehun absolutely no time to straighten out the tangle of crazily see-sawing emotions inside of him. “It scares me because I know I might have just ruined everything with that stupid stunt I pulled. It scares me because I’m not sure if you feel the same way about me or if it’s just friendship and physical attraction on your part. It really scares the hell out of me because I suck with words when it comes to my true feelings and I don’t know how I can fix this. I just want you to know that I didn’t mean any of what you heard me say to Chanyeol. It was a knee-jerk reaction because I knew that admitting what I feel for you to Chanyeol would make it real and I just didn’t know if I could deal with that. I’m just really, really sorry, Sehun. Please give me a chance to prove it to you… even though I’m not sure how. At least not yet.”  
  
He couldn’t...no, he _shouldn’t_ make it this easy for him, but his lips were already moving, as if they had a will of their own.  
  
“I don’t know if this was the best or worst apology speech ever.”  
  
Humor was good. Humor meant he didn’t have to agree to something that scared him more than anything else – but also something he craved more than his next breath.  
  
“I don’t care if it’s the best or worst speech, as long as it’s good enough to have you give me a chance. That’s all I want.”  
  
Breathe, Sehun really needed to breathe.  
  
“Does that mean you want to be friends again?”  
  
“Did you even listen to anything I just said? Did I sound like I was asking for friendship?!” Luhan’s voice all but cracked as he stared at Sehun in pure disbelieve. Then he seemed to realize what he had just said and something close to panic bled into his eyes. “But if friendship is all you’re willing to offer, then I’ll take it. I’ll be the best damn friend you’ve ever had. Just please… Sehun…”  
  
That was when Luhan’s voice actually cracked, looking smaller and more afraid than he ever had, and Sehun felt the remaining ice around his heard splintering along with it.  
  
“You said you weren’t interested in relationships.”  
  
“I don’t care. I want you. I want you to be mine and I want to be yours. That’s it. That’s what I want.”  
  
And for the first time in his life Sehun realized that happiness could hurt, could feel like nails clawing at his insides and warmth spreading through his chest at the same time.  
  
“I will kill you if you ever do something like this to me again.”  
  
Never before had he seen anyone look as relieved about a threat of murder as Luhan did at Sehun’s words, fear melting away under the smile lighting up his entire face.  
  
  
  
  
“So you’re still going to check out other people after this?” Sehun asked, head pillowed on Luhan’s arm where they were lying on his bed, with their feet tangled and the older man’s other hand drawing lazy patterns on Sehun’s back.  
  
Luhan seemed to know exactly what he was talking about, pulling him close with a wholly unrepentant grin on his gorgeous face and looking so satisfied and smug, Sehun would have liked nothing more than to push him off the bed and listen to his undoubtedly colorful curses. But he felt so comfortable and warm in the older man’s embrace, he decided to let it go just this one time.  
  
“Am I going to do more than check them out? Definitely not. But just looking? Hell yes. I’m in love, not dead. But feel free to get all jealous and possessive about it, because I’m always up for one or two rounds of angry make-up sex.”  
  
It took a few heartbeats, but then Luhan’s words sunk in and both of them stilled with the same expression of shock frozen on their faces. Sehun didn’t dare to move, convinced the L-word had simply slipped over Luhan’s lips and afraid that moving would break the spell and have Luhan play it off as a joke. But seconds passed and even though Luhan was looking at him with big, almost scared eyes he wasn’t taking his words back, just kept on holding Sehun, hand tense on his waist. And somehow that had the younger man relaxing in return.  
  
“In love, huh?”  
  
He reached up to cup the dark-haired man’s cheek, thumb gently tracing Luhan’s full lower lip and that finally pulled a smile from him.  
  
“Stupid, right? Falling in love after giving that big speech about how I just wasn’t made for the whole relationship thing.”  
  
The emotion in Luhan’s eyes had Sehun’s chest growing tight with sheer bottomless affection. He looked vulnerable, but so sincere, the taller man decided it was time to be brave himself one more time.  
  
“Then I guess this might actually work out, because I was stupid enough to fall in love with a guy that told me he didn’t want a relationship quite a while ago.”  
  
Luhan didn’t speak, actually looked like he might not be able to, he just leaned forward and gave him the softest of kisses, lips trembling lightly as they whispered over his. It was nothing like their first, Luhan’s lips careful and almost reverent as he let them stroke over Sehun’s and sighed with something that was more than just relief. Sehun felt Luhan’s frantic heartbeat against his chest and whined softly as his own heart clenched almost painfully in response.  
  
Kyungsoo was going to be so pissed.

**Author's Note:**

> There will be a longer version with additional and extended scenes. But it may take a while.  
> Thanks to the best beta in the world for betaing this! Love you lots and lots, Adele!


End file.
